Have you ever played a game with a little kid? They are legitimately the worst at both winning and losing! You’re sitting down to play a friendly game of Candyland and find yourself staring at a crying, sobbing mess if you win the game. Or, you take it easy and let them win the game and they’re strutting around the room calling themselves the “King of Candyland”!!
That’s fine when the person is five years old…it’s what we’d call a teachable moment. Not too long after that and people stop wanting to play games with us because we’re poor sports.
The fact that someone is going to lose and someone will win is the contract our players figuratively sign when they shake hands and tell the opponents “good luck”. To ward off the inappropriateness of a team full of crying people after a loss or a bunch of egomaniacs pounding their chests after a win, we’ve got to teach the beauty of winning and losing with grace. And that’s yet another reason I love coaching…which qualifies this post for “I Love Coaching” month.
Winning with grace says, “Though you didn’t win, I appreciate and applaud your effort.” (That’s a little different than, “In your face!”).
Losing with grace says, “You got me this time, hopefully the next time we meet, I’ll give you a bigger challenge.” (That’s a lot better than, “You got lucky!”).
3 areas where winning and losing with class should be taught
In practice: Sometimes I’ll intentionally stack the deck against one team when we’re scrimmaging. It’s interesting to see the different reactions. Some players will rise up to the challenge. Others will visibly crumble under the pressure. I’m sure all of us remember game two of the NBA finals from this year, Mavericks vs. Heat. The Mavs were down fifteen points with just a few minutes left in the game. Of course, they came back to win that game and shifted the momentum of the entire series. I believe that putting our players into stressful situations where there is a winner and a loser (and a consequence for losing) is vital to developing their composure muscles.
In competition: One of the things that non-volleyball coaches always ask me about is why volleyball teams celebrate after each point…win or lose. I usually say that winning a point is the result of a bunch of folks doing their jobs correctly, and that’s definitely worth celebrating. And of course, time together between points can be where vital information about the opponent can be shared. Finally, constantly connecting with one another keeps the team energy up. There are so many defensive and offensive battles being waged during the course of a game that we’ve got to give our athletes appropriate ways to respond to the good stuff and bad stuff alike.
For playing time: This is probably the toughest one, because it’s winning or losing to a teammate. Years ago, I had a great player. She was the team’s best player and everyone was drawn to her, but she had serious maturity issues. Yada, yada, yada, I had to sit her down for a couple of games. Let me tell you what, she was not happy it about it! She didn’t voice her displeasure, that would’ve been too easy. She moped, went at about seventy percent in practice, didn’t cheer for her teammates, and just generally sulked around the court. Of course, I chatted with her and told her that there is a right way and a wrong way to respond to adversity. I reminded her that it was her behavior removed her from the court and that it would be her behavior that would return her to it…or keep her off.
These are tough lessons to teach, but they’re why we get paid the big bucks. Winning and losing with grace will benefit our athletes for the rest of their lives: with their bosses, in their personal relationships, and with future teammates in the business world. So it’s vital that we give them tools to be successful.
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