It’s tough. As coaches, we’re trained to see the potential in every athlete we work with…to view them as works of clay that we can mold into a super stellar athlete. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work that way.
Sometimes the warning that we’re too caught up with a player comes in a warily raised eyebrow from one of our players. Other times, one of our assistants is the unlucky soul who has to break the news to us: we’re favoring an athlete and propping them up rather than letting them stand on their own two feet.
Maybe we’re doing it for completely unselfish reasons. Perhaps we see something akin to a diamond in the rough in this athlete. Other times, though, we’re doing it out of utter selfishness. Maybe she was our “big” recruit and she hasn’t panned out…but we’re unwilling to admit defeat. So we give her chance after chance, even when she doesn’t deserve it.
A good coach knows she eventually has to remove herself from the equation and let the athlete succeed or fail on their own merits. But how?
A 4-step plan to stop hand-holding
- Stop covering for someone else’s weaknesses. I once had a player who immediately rubbed many of her teammates the wrong way. While I poo poo’d the complaining players, I also worked behind the scenes, trying to get the offending player to stop being a jerk. I’m pretty sure I drove myself crazy trying to make her into the player I thought she could be, meanwhile, the jerky player never had to lift a finger.
- Admit that you thought you were helping and now realize you weren’t. As the saying goes, hindsight is twenty-twenty. I look back now and think, “man, a lot of people told me she was bad news and I didn’t believe them.” I thought I was helping her to become a future leader of the team, unfortunately, she didn’t want the job!
- Acknowledge how your “helping” weakened the team. On a good day, I could say that I thought I was helping the team. On a more honest day, I can say I hurt the team because the jerky player had no passion for the sport or for our team. There’s a possibility that she had even less passion because I was trying so hard to make her into someone she didn’t want to be.
- Understand that they may succeed when you let go…but they also may fail. When I finally came to my senses, I had to face the fact that this player may not have appreciated all of my hard work on her behalf. She may prove her teammates right (and me wrong!) through her selfish behavior. It’s a roll of the dice, for sure, but one worth taking.
3 benefits of failure
- Growth. As each player works through their own personal failures, the entire team actually benefits from the struggle. We’ve got to teach our players to embrace the struggle.
- Strength. Hopefully we can teach our players to appreciate the strength required to fail. Acknowledging how hard it is to fail should help our players to appreciate each other more.
- Wisdom. There’s a German proverb that says, “You will become clever through your mistakes.” I believe that wholeheartedly.
This post was inspired by Successful Failure, a great post about letting people fail themselves forward.
