Teaching Our Female Athletes To Value Toughness

tough quotesource

One of the things I hear a lot from young players is they don’t enjoy their team experience.  Sometimes they’ll say they don’t like their coach, their team isn’t very good, but many times (too many!), in a moment of honesty, they’ll say their teammates are bitches or their coach is a bitch.  Usually, they’ll whisper that word…but they still say it.  I believe it’s our job, as coaches, to take this word out of their vocabulary.

Navigating the world of toughness and bitchiness is a life lesson we must teach our female athletes.  This post was inspired by this article from Fast Company.

4 ways we can help our women embrace toughness and success

  1. Be confident.  “No matter who you are in the world of business, there will be people who find your methods unattractive. That’s intimidating for anyone, male or female.”  Sometimes women make the mistake of thinking we can make everyone happy, this quotation says that when we stick to our guns and follow our morals, some folks will be upset by our behavior.  We’ve got to be confident enough in our tactics and our leadership styles that we can manage not always being well-liked.
  2. Learn to “speak guy”.  In her book, Gender & Competition—How Men and Women Approach Work and Play Differently, Kathy DeBoer talks about the differences in how men and women communicate.  One phrase stood out to me as I read the book: “Die before you cry.”  She explained that men don’t see tears as getting in touch with your emotions, but rather they see it as weak and out of control.  Don’t do it…at least at the office.  These are great lessons that will not only help our players on the court, but also in the real world.
  3. Embrace unpopularity.  Part of being the boss is being unpopular.  I often joke with coworkers who are chatting in my office that if I were the big dog, they’d be in someone’s office talking about what a bad job I was doing.  I think it’s important to acknowledge that we’re never happy with the boss…no matter how nice/understanding/amazing they are.  It’s the nature of the job.  What if we taught that lesson to our team captain’s so they’d be ready for the business world when they entered into it?
  4. Defining “bitch”.  “Assertive or competitive qualities are usually associated with men, and are thought to be essential for successful leaders. But for women, they can be a landmine.”  Being assertive and competitive are two of the qualities that will make women successful…on the field and off.  It’s also mislabeled as “bitchy”.  As the article says, if we’re being a mean and disrespectful person or if we’re elevating ourselves above our coworkers in a malicious way…then maybe we are being jerks and need to step back.  I hope my athletes never feel they have to apologize for being driven and goal-oriented.

Often, our athletes are afraid to lead because they have a bad stereotype in their heads about what a female leader looks like and how she acts.  Let’s help show them that women can be effective and successful leaders.